This is David updating. Today was tough. Sophie is still not eating and spent much of the day whimpering or crying. She only wants Tammy to hold her. That makes it sound like she is attaching to Tammy. We don't feel that that is exactly true, however. She is not smiling or playing or interacting with Tammy. She is just latched on to her.
Tammy is exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. She hurts all over from carrying Sophie all day. The stress of Sophie being so sad and pitiful is tough. Even as I write this, Sophie is whimpering as she tries to fall asleep. Tammy has to be right beside her.
I am the third person in the room. I would gladly hold her, play with her, etc. We know that all of this is common with adoption. We appreciate the stories of people who have walked this path before us. We know that it will get better. We just desire it to be soon.
We were able to get her passport today. She cried the whole way there and back on the bus. She hates the buses. She was pretty good through a group meal tonight and let me carry her home. I did have to do a slow jog to keep her from crying.
So, we are all going to sleep soon. We pray that soon the attachment begins.
Praying for you and Sophie also.
ReplyDeleteDenise
David -- Nathan and I are praying for you and Tammy. Praying for strength, comfort and that attachment will come soon.
ReplyDeleteYour friends, the McCallums
Thinking of the three of you. She must be scared and grieving. It must be so hard on you and Tammy. Please know we are praying and thinking about you.
ReplyDeletejenn
http://www.welovefriedrice.blogspot.com/
We are praying for ya'll.I know this is so hard on you too.
ReplyDeleteHi, I also have a daughter named Sophie. I adopted both my girls from China. Sophie is our 2nd child. She was 11 months when we adopted her. We had a terrible time with her in the beginning. She would not let my husband hold her. If he even looked at her she would scream. We too couldn't get her to eat. If she drank 2 ounces PER DAY it was a miracle. We took her to the hospital in China and for 4 days we had to bring her to the hospital for i.v. treatments. And then when she would drink a little formula, she would vomit. We were so, so scared. It was nothing like our 1st adoption, which was a breeze. Honestly, we considered disrupting Sophie's adoption, that's how bad it was. But, we had already signed the paperwork. That was almost 4 years ago. Our Sophie is now almost 5, is the most intelligent child I've ever met, has a wickedly wonderful sense of humor, is outspoken and very loving. She started coming out of her shell once we got home. It did take about a year before things got back to "normal." Oh, and now she is a total Daddy's Girl. I know things are difficult right now. Please hang on and don't give up. It WILL get better, even though right now it doesn't seem possible. Please know that you are not alone, and don't be ashamed for feeling overwhelmed. If you need to talk, please email me at erenihan@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Erica
I heard your story from a friend on facebook and it touches my heart each morning as I read your updates......please know that you have many prayers going up from Slocomb, AL :)
ReplyDeleteCyndee
4 years ago I was where you are. my daughter cried for 5 days. wanted me to hold her but didn't want to look at me- it was as if she was mad at me for being part of the whole terrible experience. She is now an amazing wonderful, happily attached 6 year old. She likes to hear her story where I say she cried and cried and cried and I cried too! Keep telling yourself that her behavior is normal and shows she is aware of the disruption to her life. it will get better.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are doing great. Our daughter was 3.5 at adoption. We had ups and downs each day. She hated the car and cried so much when we went anywhere. I wondered if car trips meant abandonment to her. Even now, she has horrible car sickness. Not motion, just car. She grieved considerably, especially at nap and bedtimes and over a year later we still have attachment ups and downs but she is happy and loved. Good luck and it will get better.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I carried our daughter in a sling all over China and for MONTHS when we got home - everywhere - and it made a huge difference.
Thinking of you all and praying for Sophie to start to feel calmer and begin to show you her true self and begin to have fun with you.
ReplyDeleteAlthough her behavior on the bus could be part of grieving, I wanted to mention that Aaron (who was happy all the time in China with us) was very, very different in the van and taxis when we went out. (Unlike Sophie who is having her very first experiences in vehicles and probably very scared, Aaron had been in a van for a 90 min ride one way to a hospital every 3 weeks of his life, so was used to vehicles.) We did not realize until the 4th day when we drove 2 1/2 hours to the orphanage that Aaron had severe motion sickness. After that we realized the way he was acting in the van/taxi was probably partly due to really feeling ill with the movement. (Once home he would become motion sick in the grocery cart, on short 10 min rides to the store, etc.) Just wanted to mention this as perhaps besides being scared in the bus she might be feeling a bit ill...
Hugs and prayers to the 3 of you!
Nicole (Aaron's mom)
www.ourjourneytoaaron.blogspot.com
I hope everything gets better really quick! Sophie is so cute!
ReplyDeletebigsistochinagirl